im six kinds of drunk right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize