Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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