Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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