It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
God I need to hump something, right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
