it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
