Pappa wants mamma naked
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need water and some morals
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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