Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
