You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
