No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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