Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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