Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
