votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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