Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
