Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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