Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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