I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
