there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
