how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
