Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
