Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
