Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
