I met the friendliest cop last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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