Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
