turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
