My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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