Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
