ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
