Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
