Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
