He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
