I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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