i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
