Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
