on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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