Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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