Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I deserve this hangover.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
