All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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