so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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