Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
