I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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