She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
