Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize