drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
