yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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