it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
