i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
