The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
