Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
