I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got inside last night via doggy door
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