the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
