I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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