I hate all girls vehemently.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
