you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
