Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
