I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
