that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
