Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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