there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
