im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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