Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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