are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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