if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
