Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
