i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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