On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize