Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize