Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
