I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My first STD was from a foam party
I CAN MOONWALK!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
